Tribute to Matt Stone :: Comedy Scripts Comedians Essays

Tri yete to Matt StoneEpisode 201 - Not Without My Anus Icons provided by Christopher Pirillo at scarce reciprocal ohm of South Park AdvertFXApplet provided by Secret Sid South Park AnnouncerSince the last South Park youve waited four long weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the dread truth about Cartmans lineage will not be seen tonight so we can bring you the following special presentation.HonkHBC AnnouncerNow, get ready for Canadas hottest carry through stars. Terrance and Phillip in the HBC Movie of the Week, Not Without My Anus, based on a true story.Canadian Courthouse - 1018 A.M.ScottLadies and gentlemen, before you to solar day sits a murderer. On the night in question, this monster entered the home of Dr. Jeffrey ODwyer, and struck him repeatedly in the head with this hammer. That monster is sitting right over there, and his name is Terrance.Dramatic MusicFartPhillipUh, Terrance, you farted in court.TerranceYes Phillip, Im making a express ion for our defense.LaughterScottAll of these things link Terrance to the murder hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirtTerrance looks about confused.ScottA watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey ODwyer. Dr. ODwyer, time to have your head smashed in, with my new hammer. Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but youre not God. Je accuse Terrance.TerranceWould you like a monkey claw Phillip?PhillipYes please.FartLaughterTerranceThats called the monkey claw cause it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.PhillipThe monkey claw is smelly.The Judge hammers her gavel.JudgeCome on, get a move-on, I aint getting a younger up here.PhillipMy sentiments exactly Your Honor. I see from your accent that youre Southern Canadian.JudgeThat is correct.PhillipGood people of the jury, my client Terrance is an innocent man.FartTerranceOh ho, Phillip, now you farted during the closi ng argument.PhillipI have, havent I Terrance.FartLaughterScottYour Honor, the defense is trying to throw a mockery of this court. They think farts are funny, but theyre not.JudgeSustained.PhillipGood people of the jury, my client Terrance is no more a murderer than you or me. He loves puppies and hates mean things. Would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this?Phillip shows the jury of Terrance with a llama.PhillipOf course not. So, in summation, find Terrance innocent, or else hell kill you.GaspLaughterPhillipJust kidding. The defense rests.Terrance pounds his fist on the table as he laughs uncontrollably.